You are viewing [info]msdeath4's journal

   
01:43pm 28/12/2006
 
mood: aggravated
well it has been awhile since i have written so lets see. me and jerry are still together we have been together for 2years and 8months. we are having a baby at the end of may beginning of june. we are not sure what it is yet but they said it looks like a girl. if it is her name will be skylar ann marie vincent. everyone thinks its sounds like a boys name. we live in davison and i am finishing my senior year. i will keep you posted on everything.		  
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07:22pm 27/12/2003
 
mood: calm
well nuttin new has really happened. christmas eve i went to my aunts house and it was gay. christmas i went to my grandmas house. it was ok i seen alica and my aunt from wisconson. it was kool i guess it could have been better. i ended up cuttin my self but i really didnt mean 2. it was crazy. i have to go to some gay christmas party 2morrow i really dont wanna go. i finally got out of the house. my mom thinks om doin better. HA so much she knows. but w/e i g2g		  
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more   
11:17am 18/11/2003
  well my weekend was and i wanted to call my pychiatrist ( cnat spell) but i couldnt find her number im supposed to call her anytime i want to cut yself. well i didnt cut myself but i eventually did something to hurt myself i bashed my head into a tree a few times i didnt bleed though. i have a bruise there u cant really see it though. well ok but everything started on wensday i wanted to do sumthing this wekkend and of course i didnt get to cuz i cant drive and i cant drivers trainin cuz i dont have the money or a job yet. so i didnt even get to say what i wanted to say and my lil sis it like well i want to do this and this and this and she gets whatever she wants ne way so i got ed and she got ed. well she told me i was the cause of all her problems and i am the reason she cant go out when she wants to she goes out every wendsday ive only gone out 1 time this month. well that was a big argument that lead to i cause everyone else problems and for all my stepdad cares i can go back to don and jakcies house i dont htink so ill move in with someone else. but they say i cnat. umm then todd came up and he started stuff with me. but i was flirtin my ass i was. i was tryin to ignore him. i am sick of being treated like im 2. i it they got the internet so that i have it for homework but htey can mess around on it all they want. errrrrrrrrrr. the \n i missed my appointment cuz he went huntin yes it was everyones fault but someone could have written it down and my mom says she cares so much but i dont even think she has filled out the custidy papers. im not her number 1 prority everyone else is and yes that is how i feel. ed emailed me but i cant remember what it said but i don want to talk to him i miss talkin to everyone down there. but who cares about me. well alicia i miss u a lot adn u still have to send me a letter. but i will hopefully see u soon.  
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my dads trying to make my life a living hell   
12:47pm 06/11/2003
 
mood: depressed
well ok i was told my dad burnt all of my stuff and he did. well i had a dress that belonged to the school. my dad wont tell ne one if he has it or not. well its a 200 dollar dress and i dont have that kind of money cuz i cant get a job. he says he wont tell ne one cuz i made my descision and i have to figure it out by my self well actually he made his descision he said he wanted to know how i was doin and stuff well now it is none of his business. i dont want anything to do with him. im done i him. i went to the phyciatrist and she might put me on anti depressants and i had to sign a contract saying i wouldnt cut myself ne more but i didnt tell her i cut myself the night before because i was getttin bitched at for comin home and it wasnt my fault. i was sent home because the school thought i had chicken pox. but i dont its flea bites or scabies. what ever the hell that is. my lil sister seen the cuts and i hope she doesnt tell my mom. i would feel bad but i had nuttin else i could do i had no one to talk to. but im done cutin myself. i hope i have numbers for hotlines if i ever need someone to call. last night i was supposed to go somewhere with my lil sister and my moms like oo that will be good for u . u can meet new ppl and make new friends. well then she told me i shouldnt go. i was ed. and i kinda got a new cat but it doesnt like me so i dont kno plus it kinda belongs to someone else. i really want a new cat not one thats all skitso like the one i adapoted from my neightbors. well thats about all. buh bye		  
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im finally happy   
01:08pm 28/10/2003
 
mood: good
well i dont have to go live with my dad but now he wants to see me which i think is bull and all i think he wants to do is bitch at me for tellin the truth. he cant admit to it cuz he feels bad and he told me a long as there was no mark he wouldnt get in trouble. well hes right but im not ready to see him.		  
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people me off   
11:29am 23/10/2003
 
mood: sore
well ok now i have to go talk to protective sevries again because my dad said he never touched me but this time i dont have to talk to them alone thankfully. i was really scared last time. all my dad admitted to was drinkin a couple beers. which for him is a lot. and i have to go back to the doctors i was told i might have pinched a nerve in my arm. my arm is gettin a tingly and it feels like something really cold is runnin threw my bone its weird.		  
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dads an ass   
01:33pm 22/10/2003
 
mood: pissed off
well i went to my dads to get my stuff and he kicked me off the property. then he packed all of my little sisters . then he in told 2 of my friends not to talk to me because he says im lying. well i think what it is is that he doesnt want ne one to know what actually happened because he doesnt wanna be in trouble but its to late for that and he knos it and now hes scared because he wants to talk to my mom alone so they can talk and he doesnt want ne one to kno. well to late cuz hes in deep no matter what even if he doesnt get arrested hes still in . i him he es me off and my arm is still killin me i errrrrrrrrr i him.		  
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my dads an ass   
05:23pm 17/10/2003
 
mood: happy
well ok my dads wife told me i could leave and not come back cuz i dont wanna talk to ne one there cuz im depressed so im sleep alot and he thinks thats an attude well he told me i couldnt leave and i had to unpack my stuff. well he left me alone then came and bothered me again so i tryed to ignore him butn it didnt work he slaped me across the face and pushed me into the shower so i tryed to call the cops and my mom and he unpluged the phone. well then he grapped me by the arma and the back of the neck and threw me into the couch and then on the floor well i fell on my arm and now im in a sling with a sprained wrist. so he told me to go to bed so i sat there and i wouldnt lay down and he made me lay down. then he told me that if i wanted to live with my mom i could and never come back so i took him up on the offer. so i called my mom and she came and got me and we went to the police station they wouldnt do ne thiig cuz he has custidy of me so the next day at school i talked to my counseler cuz my sister was really upset that he did that to he and got a way with it and my stepmom just sat there so my school councler called protected sevices and for now i dont have to go back to my dads cuz the guys said do and i have to be excorted by a cop to get some stuff from his house and thats were it stands. tonite i am goin to a haunted house to get the piss scared out of me so that should be fun. but hopefully he gets arrested cuz this isnt the first time he has been reported for abuse. hes even been arrested for it. i feel kinda bad for my sisters mom cuz she doesnt want nething to do with her mom now but o well she should have done sumthing. ttyl everyone and hi alicia see u soon hopefully.		  
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01:20pm 15/10/2003
 
mood: depressed
well my dad asked me if i was pregnat just because i got sick. then he told me i had an attitude because i didnt want to eat cuz i was tired. then told me he had to think about me goin to my moms cuz i have an attitude problem i was lik wtf. sunday we got into this argument not me but my lil sister, my dad and his wife. she told me she trys to stay away from me cuz she doesnt kno what ill do which to me means im unstable but they wont get me help so my moms gonna try on her own that way she knows i get the help. then i was like well no one cares ne way. shes like how can u say that we keep the bills payed and keep a house and blah blah blah. well thats not for me its for them and it really makes me mad that if ne one else needs sum thing they will rush out and buy it but when i need sumthing well wait til we have to go. it really bugs me. my mom is really worried cuz i could give a about ne thing ne more and she knos i need help but she cant really do much and she still hasnt called friend of the court but i kno shes tryin. shes got a lot goin on. then i just found out ed moved no one called me and told me he hasnt written me wtf. see no one cares about me so y should i care. i pass my test and still get acussed of it and errrrrrrrrr. ppl me off i kno very few ppl who care about me. i kno alicia does abd my mom but thats it. cuz my brother doesnt kno what it means to care yet so yeah but whatever im have to leave now.		  
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my dad again   
12:59pm 09/10/2003
 
mood: bitchy
well last nite i told my dad i d him again hes like but i love u and what did i do to u? i was like what didnt you do to me. so we got into this big fight and he told me my mom owes him money which i think is bull and it she does he is blowin it out of proportion cuz she cant owe him as much as he says. he took the door off my room and said i had to sleep up stairs cuz i lost my room privliges. when did my room become a privlidge and he wont let me leave and go to my moms he thinks kepping my there is helpin me not as he puts it mutilate myself. hes so dumb and he tells me i dont resepct what he gives me. yeah ok if he wants to be that way i wont respect what he gives me until him and his wife respect my stuff and stop throwin it away. i that they threw away my inscents from alicia i was ed and im not allowed to have lighters or nething like that bull watch me. i passed my test and they still wont believe me there soooooooo dumb i wanna smack them both. well g2g buh bye.		  
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i my dad and im sick of my life.   
01:42pm 01/10/2003
  ok so my mom heard all this that i didnt do like a i gave my x bf a hand job in the movies last year. and that i go see alicia and ed to smoke weed. well thats all bull and i was really ed cuz my dad and his wife believed it and my mom wasnt accusin me of ne thing. so i cut both my arms from wrist to elbow 55 times(srry ed.) well then i told my mom i wanted to switch schools and we went to talk to my dad well he told me i couldnt run from my problems so i couldnt change schools but i dont think thats fair cuz my sister is 16 and lives with her bf cuz she s my dad she can leave y cant i?
so my dad tries to get me committed to the hospital cuz he thinks im gonna kill myself. well everyone knows i wont i cant do that to certian ppl. well i had a test cuz i suppoidly i smoke weed. i passed my test i wanted to jump up and laugh in my dads face but i didnt. well now he thinks im a dealer and that i did ual favors for the man i called to buy alicia,ed, nick and alx weed from. he es me off with all his and babling on and on about i dont care about. well last night i finally told him i him. i cant sleep in my room cuz my step sisters not home and i have to sleep where he wants me to cuz hes dumb. im not allowed in my house by myself cuz hes an idiot and there no handle on my bathroom door. yeah they r so dumb they went through my and threw away my inscents from alicia and deleted my form the computer i was so ed yeah im grounded cuz there dumb but still he told my my would stay if she came back. well i g2g i have to go back to my hell hole.		  
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life sux ass   
08:43pm 16/09/2003
 
mood: bitchy
well okay like 2 weeks ago my dad and his wife got into a huge fight and she got arrested. well they werent supposed to see each other and they did behind my back. his wifes daughter told her that if she gets back with my dad that she wont come home. so guess what happened she spent the weekend with him then she moved back in. and now my dad is back to his asshole self. he started butchin at me because i burned insents that he told me i could burn and then he blamed me my his wifes daughters bfs mom for wantin to call the cops cuz shes isnt supposed to be in any contact with my dad. well who cares as long as there happy. well all i want is to got down and see ed,dani,alicia,and nick and i just really wanna get away cuz i cant take it no more. and now my mom wants to take me to a conculer cuz i cut myself to take out anger. well what does she expect look were i live and who i live with. one person tryin to help me with my problems is phil. me and phil used to be best friends and talk all the time now we dont and it sux. well i g2g for the night. i have to get my rest for school cuz my dads gay.		  
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everythin   
08:05pm 09/09/2003
  well i finally made this journal and i will write more stuff at school cuz i dont want my dad to see what i have to say. so hi to everyone and u can hear my sad story later.  
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msdeath4